Cancer Study Results – No Link between Semiconductor Work and Mortality

The Semiconductor Manufacturing Assembly Research & Test ASSociation (SMARTASS for short) would like to share reassuring results of an exhaustive multi-year study covering numerous semiconductor industry workers that found no statistically valid scientifically proven association between overall cancer mortality and working in the semiconductor business. The study was conducted by a diverse team of researchers from Philip Morris and other trustworthy organizations. The principal finding was that work in the semiconductor industry was not associated with increased cancer mortality.*


[*relative to elderly populations, those with high sun exposure, and Russian nuclear power plant workers.]


In layman's terms, the study results mean that if you work in the semiconductor industry, you are not at increased risk of dying from cancer compared to a laboratory animal consuming ten times its body weight in toxic chemicals on a regular basis. This is reassuring news for people that can't think for themselves.


The study was recently released for publication in the Journal of Cancer Treatment for Profit (special Ka-Ching edition). SMARTASS remains committed to pretending that there is a safe work environment for all technology employees. If you have questions or concerns; please plop yourself down on a couch, smoke some cigarettes, munch some junk food, drink some water (preferably arsenic laced), and forget about it.