Ugly mug? Bag it!

New vision-friendly campaign rolls out across the country and world

This year, many corporations across the country and around the world are rolling out an “Ugly mug? Bag it!” campaign. The operation asks facial-beauty-challenged employees to use paper bags when they are at work.

There is a growing trend for workers to break away from their isolated cubicles and spend more time socializing face to face with real people. As a result, it has become strikingly apparent that many colleagues are simply plain or downright repulsive to look at. But many organizations believe that the office environment should be a Gorgeous Place To Work. It is in this spirit that the campaign was launched.

Ugly employees are encouraged to bring their own reusable bags from home and wear them over their heads at all times when visual contact is possible. In addition, low-cost paper bags are being offered for sale in lobbies to be given as subtle gifts to those coworkers who may not realize that they should get with the program.

These leading companies are striving to offer the best in workplace pleasantness and create a more beautiful tomorrow.

So “Ugly mug? Bag it!”

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Career Advice: How to Pursue Job Satisfaction and Longevity – Madonna Style

Brought to you by Corporate Employee Miscommunications

In an effort to attract and retain younger (and cheaper) employees, corporations are encouraging workers (especially recent graduates) to constantly reinvent themselves, have fun, stay fresh, and keep learning. The line may go something like this - “If Madonna can do it, so can you.”

For those with reinvention block, here are some specific tips on how to kick your career into the next gear:

1. Publish a borderline pornographic book for casual reading pleasure. Why let your thoughts and visions languish in your mind? Put them on paper for the world to see.
2. Go on a late night talk show and spout profanities throughout the appearance. Have no fear, the censors will ensure that nothing leaks out in full over the air waves. And don’t forget to remove your underwear before the show and give them to the host.
3. Have a child with your personal trainer. Or make it two. Go ahead and raise the bar on how personal you can get with your fitness trainer.
4. Kiss Britney and Christina (or other same-sex pop stars of your choice). Feel free to explore your pent-up curiosity (preferably on international television) and see where it takes things.
5. Stage a mock crucifixion as part of a concert tour that includes a performance in Rome within walking distance of the Vatican (and send the Pope an invitation while you’re at it). But don’t limit yourself to offending any one world religion, there are many to choose from.

Most importantly, take your company into the music biz and sign up to work on the debut album release and concert tour. See how high you can climb up the charts. Others have done it with hit songs like:

• 4 Minutes to Save the Factory
• Give It 2 Me (My Raise), and
• The Shift Goes On, And On (featuring Pain from All Directions)

So climb on board with corporate America for satisfaction, longevity (that’s right, Madonna is from Generation Jones … before X and Y), fun, freshness, and never-ending reinvention.