Perks for Jerks

In an effort to attract and retain top talent, technology companies often benchmark their policies against those of other similar players. In a recent review by the Technology for Humanity Consortium [known as (and for using) THC], it came to light that a major California based computer and printer corporation had an edge. The company, that will remain nameless (but whose initials are HP), uses a practice called Pay for Foul Play where an executive may receive hefty sums of cash and stock for activities ranging from falsifying expense reports to engaging in secret personal relationships with a contractor of the opposite sex. In the interest of fairness, THC is recommending that all tech companies start their own competitive programs. Many leading organizations are already on board and have launched new policies that are open to all employees (not just executives). There are an array of payout levels that include cash, stock, and other benefits distributed across a wide spread of questionable activities. Although details cannot be revealed, trial runs of pilot programs tailored to individual company preferences have proven to be enormously popular. These include Perks for Jerks, Roll in the Hay for Pay, and Expensing out of the Box. There has never been a greater time to join a tech corp. Break out that resume, call a headhunter, and start misbehaving today.